Silence May Not Be Golden
Have you ever been in a business meeting where there have been people who have said nothing? Of course. If you know me, you know I'm never that guy. Ha!
They may quietly take notes, smile and seem to be paying attention.
They usually are, but as someone who is never short on conversation I find these people amazing yet puzzling.
Is it their choice to say nothing?
With strong personalities present, are they afraid to contribute?
It’s one thing to be polite and pay attention to a presentation but this is pointed at those who rarely if ever utter one word in any meeting. Perhaps you should wonder why they are in the meeting in the place or more importantly whether there is a deeper issue. Are great ideas being lost in the back of the room?
Some people prefer not to lead discussions or speak with ease and that’s okay. But in a co-creative workspace, it requires contribution from everyone.
It's important to decipher the reasons why they remain silent.
A common perpetrator is the highest ranking official in the room who makes it clear they are not interested in ideas or a democratic creative process.
I know this is shocking but some managers actually do not want others’ opinions. In other cases - though rare - those in management positions do not possess the skills or training to actually coach people.
Some people are shy, some are polite and some are respectful of authority. Some feel the only way to survive these types of situations is to sit quietly, nod and take notes.
Do you know the real reason for their silence?
@knealemann
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Timely post, thanks for this!
Cheryl said... November 4, 2009 9:21 AM
I work with a guy who never misses a meeting, his notes are impeccable, he is friendly and always helpful but in meetings he says nothing. I wonder what great ieas are in that head of his and today I may ask him.
Tom said... November 4, 2009 9:21 AM
Exactly the affirmative reminder I needed today-tnx!! Post -Silence may not (is not in my world) be golden http://bit.ly/41CFd5
Martha said... November 4, 2009 9:22 AM
Hi Kneale, Funny you should post this because I had this conversation with someone yesterday. She had met me once before and had come to do some mentor training with me. She had just told me that the model was changing and she wanted everyone to go to the group sessions. She went on to say that someone who had just gone through the training said that she thought everyone should do the group because there was something missing in the one-on-one version. The group dynamics games are hard to do one-on-one.
I took the moment to tell her that she shouldn't let one person's opinion make her total decision and that the one-on-one might work for some people and for others, the group might work better. I'm not fond of group building activities. I am fine in a group when someone needs me. I run events and can end up in large groups but I have a role.
You put me in a new setting where I am supposed to react and I will clam up. So that might be why you see someone people quietly taking notes, saying little, ... just my take.
Julie Walraven said... November 4, 2009 9:24 AM
I'm quiet in meetings. Am I always quiet? No, certainly not, but sitting around a table is not when I shine. I have to digest before I speak - I have a hard time just saying the first things that comes to mind. I have to think about it- that's just the way I am. Its not about being afraid to contribute, its about how I put my thoughts in order.
massagent said... November 4, 2009 9:30 AM
Brilliant RT @knealemann: New Post: Silence May Not Be Golden. http://bit.ly/UHFbW #strategy #business #teamwork
Patrick said... November 4, 2009 9:38 AM
RT @knealemann: New Post: Silence May Not Be Golden. http://bit.ly/UHFbW #strategy #business #teamwork
Linda said... November 4, 2009 9:41 AM
Lots of reasons why people remain silent, all are bad in some way:
- Their opinions are being voiced by someone else in the meeting (ok, as long as they nod or otherwise indicate their agreement)
- There is someone in the room they don't want to open up in front of.
- Some people take a lot longer to form an opinion, and feel 'put on the spot' if they are prompted in front of a group of people.
- Some feel their language or speaking skills aren't up to the task.
- Some are passively dis-engaged, or resigned to the outcome of the meeting.
- In a lot of environments, showing interest turns into more work for the person who opens their mouth.
And that is clearly an incomplete list. The best thing you can do in these situations depends on the amount of time you have with them. If it is a one-time (pitch-style) meeting, it is probably not a good idea to pick on the quiet people to bring their ideas out (unless you see them showing strong emotion, then it is fair game to draw them out). When you have a longer engagement with people, you can get to know the people, draw out their opinions after the meeting, and start to draw out their opinions in meetings once you have established a good collaborative environment (there is another blog post for you).
bashford said... November 4, 2009 10:04 AM
Right on Linda: Every one of your insights is worth thinking about.
When I think about "meetings" --whether having to do with this subject or others -- I'm reminded that SO MANY are run SO POORLY that people are "turned off" before they come in.
Linda's suggestions for one-on-one to ellicit reactions AFTER a group meeting might be very effective to dig out the diamonds still buried.
Shari Weiss said... November 4, 2009 11:57 AM
Thanks Cheryl, that means a lot!
Kneale Mann said... November 4, 2009 5:35 PM
That's fantastic, Tom. Please keep me posted.
Kneale Mann said... November 4, 2009 5:35 PM
Marha, you? silence? Never!
Kneale Mann said... November 4, 2009 5:38 PM
Julie, I completely agree with your comments - thanks for this. The point really is setting a scene where people feel comfortable and those around them allow them the freedom to contribute in the way the're most comfortable. km
Kneale Mann said... November 4, 2009 5:40 PM
Massagent, great points. Thanks much!
Kneale Mann said... November 4, 2009 5:41 PM
Patrick, thank-you sir!
Kneale Mann said... November 4, 2009 5:46 PM
Thanks for the RT, Linda!
Kneale Mann said... November 4, 2009 5:47 PM
Hey Kneale, to me, someone not speaking up at a meeting doesn't bother me at all. Everyone, including us extroverts should be cognizant of the fact that different personality types have different methods of processing information. This is why facilitators are often hired for group events. One of the main elements of their job is to gather input from different types of individuals so that no single personality type dominates. Some of the brightest people I have ever met would never dream of speaking up at a meeting but when given the chance to digest and process information, they can easily come up with the big game-changing idea. The problem is that the corporate world has been traditionally biased towards one personality type, i.e. the Alpha Male. One of my favourite frameworks analyzing this is the Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI). Definitely worth a look for those interested...
Mike Kujawski said... November 4, 2009 5:47 PM
Hey Adrian, yet again you made some outstanding points. Thanks for that. km
Kneale Mann said... November 4, 2009 5:48 PM
Shari, oustanding thanks so much!
Kneale Mann said... November 4, 2009 5:48 PM
Silence is often the face of fear. Fear of being discovered. I can honestly tell you that at some meetings, the conversation and it's details are beyond me...and "shut up till you catch up" or "fake it till you make it" is the only solution. It's a bluff. A good session leader will suss this out without malice..those people are rare indeed!
mike.g
mike.g said... November 5, 2009 2:45 PM
Pondering those who don't speak during meetings - "Silence May Not Be Golden" by @knealemann - http://bit.ly/3cteEk
Wordpost said... November 6, 2009 4:24 PM
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